evadne_noel

This is the last Star Wars BBE I will be doing for a while. Ever since I saw it a week and a half ago, I've been eating, sleeping and breathing Star Wars. It started after we saw it. The next day, my friend was all, "Let's get drunk and watch 'Star Wars,'" and I stupidly thought she meant "A New Hope." Nope. She meant all six of them. It took several days, as she kept falling asleep. And I had just watched "A New Hope" for the BBE. So...the galaxy far, far away can just stay that way for a little while. Until then, here's the "Sith" Breadbox Edition:

(Author’s Note: Star Wars continues to not belong to me, but to Lucas Films. Inspiration, as always, comes from The Editing Room. Dr. Evadne’s Warning: Please take a grain of salt before reading. Do not expose to direct sunlight. May impair your ability to drive or operate heavy machinery. Anyone who fails to abide by the warning is responsible for his or her own indignation.)

STAR WARS III: REVENGE OF THE SITH: BREADBOX EDITION

FADE IN:

The BACKSTORY scrolls on by.

AUDIENCE
Wow, I am anxious to see this WAR.

EXT. THE SURFACE OF COURASCANT

OBI-WAN KENOBI, ANAKIN SKYWALKER and MANY JANGO FETT CLONES rush to save SENATOR PALPATINE.

AUDIENCE
Yes, lower atmosphere battles over a planet made up
entirely of city are always a good idea. Thousands die
in fiery debris to save one guy who is evil anyway.

OBI-WAN and ANAKIN bicker, much as always, while ANAKIN shows off his LEET FLYING SKILLZ and his new MANLY SCAR.

ANAKIN
And someone is going to tell my son I piloted a freighter? Bah!

ANAKIN and OBI-WAN crash into a HANGAR, again, much as always.

ANAKIN
Artoo, stay with the ship while Obi-Wan and I rescue Senator Evilpants.

R2-D2
Eee-woop booop.
(You never take me anywhere.)

OBI-WAN
Take this Schick razor, Artoo, in case we need to talk to you.

MEANWHILE:

GENERAL GRIEVOUS talks in a GRAVELLY VOICE with an UNIDENTIFIABLE EASTERN EUROPEAN ACCENT.

GRIEVOUS
I sound like I should be plotting against James Bond.

AUDIENCE
Why is the evil droid-man hacking up a lung?

BACK TO THE JEDI:

OUR HEROES are nearly thwarted by AN ELEVATOR.

OBI-WAN contacts R2-D2, but forgot to turn the radio down from its BROADCAST-TO-THE-ENTIRE-WORLD setting.

OBI-WAN
*over radio*
Artoo, can you hear me? Is this joke funny yet?

R2-D2
EEEEEEEEEEE-eeeeeeee!!
(Shutupshutupshutup!!)

SOME DROIDS attempt to HARASS R2-D2.

R2-D2
WEEeeep-whOOop!
(FLYING DRAGON DROID KICK!)

R2-D2 racks up some KILLS and saves ANAKIN and OBI-WAN’S BUTTS.

INT. FORWARD COMMAND OR WHATEVER

SENATOR PALPATINE
Ah, hello, Jedi. Nice of you to drop by. I’ve just
been here, spinning in my chair. If you give it a good
push, you can go around ten times before it stops.

COUNT DOOKU
Kenobi, Skywalker. You shall not escape me this time.
Not that you did last time either.

ANAKIN
Why do I have to wear the heavy black leather, and Obi-Wan
gets to wear the light colored robes?

OBI-WAN
Because Lucas likes obvious symbolism. Whine about it later.
We can handle Dooku. Sith Lords are our specialty.

PALPATINE
I’m sorry, how many have you faced? Didn’t you both
get your sorry butts kicked by a Sith Lord last time you
faced one? And wasn’t it this Sith Lord?

Once again, OBI-WAN is taken down FAIRLY EASILY by COUNT DOOKU.

ANAKIN
I’ll take him down then. I’m the bestest Jedi ever!

PALPATINE
Kill him.

ANAKIN
Uh, I don’t think you’re qualified to make that decision.
And it’s a little creepy that you’re suggesting it to me.

PALPATINE
Yeah, but you really want to.

DOOKU
See my big puppy dog eyes? You don’t want to kill me.

ANAKIN
The Jedi Order does say… ah, screw it.

DOOKU suffers another TOO QUICK, ANTI-CLIMACTIC DEATH.

DOOKU
At least it was on screen this time.

PALPATINE
Abandon your unconscious Master and let’s get out of here.

ANAKIN
You’re a very demanding rescuee, aren’t you? No.

ANAKIN, PALPATINE and DEAD-TO-WORLD OBI-WAN escape as the SHIP becomes VERTICAL.

OBI-WAN
*wakes up*
Ugghhh…I dreamt I was in a crappy surfer movie.

ANAKIN
Never mind that now. Help me with Palpatine. With all
the acrobatics we do, we’re lucky he doesn’t break a hip.

SUDDENLY, a TRAP just pops up around them.

OBI-WAN
What? So they just have random little force field squares
set up all over the ship? How much does that cost?

ANAKIN
I say we be patient and wait for Artoo.

OBI-WAN
Patient? All right, who are you and what have
you done to my apprentice?

R2-D2
Aaaeeeiiiiiiii!
(Aaaeeeiiiiiii!)

EVERYONE gets CAPTURED.

INT. SHIP’S BRIDGE

GENERAL GRIEVOUS
Seriously, what is this accent? Am I Russian? Czech? Bulgarian?

OBI-WAN
We have a history that can only be revealed if the
Audience buys the Clone Wars DVD!

GRIEVOUS
I’ll take your lightsabers and add them to my collection…of two.

ANAKIN
Wow, vast.

EVERYONE bickers for a while until OBI-WAN and ANAKIN get free and KICK DROID BUTT.

GRIEVOUS
My fighting skills are superior to you both!

GRIEVOUS cuts and runs, but not before BLOWING UP the ship.

GRIEVOUS (cont.)
I just prefer to blow you up rather than fight.

ANAKIN
Wuss.

OBI-WAN
Not now. The ship is crashing and we need to narrate
everything that happens just in case the audience can’t
figure it out from the visuals of the ship crashing!

ANAKIN
We’re really picking up speed. We’re coming in too hot.
The ground is fast approaching our ship. How’s that?

ANAKIN attempts to pull off a DESPARATE LANDING.

R2-D2
Beeeep-woooo woow.
(I’ve always loved you, sir.)

ANAKIN
Our ship is horizontal to the ground! We’ve landed!
We’re not dead! Do I have to keep narrating?

EXT. PRESS CONFERENCE

OBI-WAN
Well, I’m camera shy, so Anakin can deal with the publicity people.

PALPATINE
Oh, dear. Grievous got away. Guess the Senate will just have to
keep giving me executive powers. Not that I want them or anything.

BAIL ORGANA
Man, I hate you.

Despite being one of the MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE THERE, no one notices when ANAKIN hangs back to talk to a HIDING PADME.

PADME
Oh, pookie! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.

ANAKIN
Honeyhairbuns, you know I’ve been thinking about you constantly.

They CANOODLE.

ANAKIN
No one must know of our secret love!

AUDIENCE
Then maybe it should be conducted indoors.

PADME
It will be harder to hide now, snugglewoogums. I’m pregnant.

ANAKIN
Wait. How long have I been away?

EXT. A GREAT BIG HOLE

AUDIENCE
Are bottomless pits a Star Wars prerequisite?

GRIEVOUS
Someone get me my inhaler!

DARTH PALPATINE
I had something to tell you, but I can’t remember what it is.
Sorry to waste your time.

EXT. GREEN HOUSE OF LUV – BALCONY

DIRECTOR GEORGE LUCAS
And now for a sweeping love scene.

AUDIENCE
I have a very bad feeling about this.

PADME
I love you.

ANAKIN
No, I love you.

PADME
I love you more.

ANAKIN
I love you the most.

PADME
I love you a gazillion-billion-willion times!

ANAKIN
I love you infinity!

AUDIENCE
Oh, enter into a suicide pact and jump off the
balcony if you love each other so much. We just
don’t want to hear about it anymore!

INT. GREEN HOUSE OF LUV – LATER

ANAKIN has bad dreams about PADME.

DREAM PADME
Help me, Ani! I’m trapped in The Outer Limits!

ANAKIN wakes up and BROODS.

PADME
Ouch, shouldn’t have slept in my vintage flapper dress.
I’ll have pearl shaped marks in my arms for days.
Anakin, what’s the matter? Your Dark Side acting up again?

ANAKIN
I’m brooding. Leave me alone.

PADME
Anakin, stop being so emo and tell me what’s going on.

ANAKIN
You’re going to die. The baby is going to kill you.

PADME
The baby is not going to kill me.

AUDIENCE
Wait, the baby? Singular? Has she not seen a
doctor at all? That could be the thing that kills her.

INT. OFFICE OF YODA: PI

ANAKIN
Master, why don’t you open the venetian blinds?

YODA
Premonitions you’ve been having, mmm?

ANAKIN
I’m afraid someone I love will die.

YODA
Rejoice you should when someone rejoins the Force.
Buy a cake, invite some friends, do the limbo, yes.

INT. PALPATINE’S OFFICE

PALPATINE
Anakin. I need you to keep a close watch on the Council for me.

ANAKIN
Wouldn’t that create a conflict of interest for me? Why do you
need this anyway?

PALPATINE
Well, I’m evil, obviously.

ANAKIN
Eh, what did you say?

INT. JEDI COUNCIL ROOM

MACE WINDU
Okay, Anakin. You can hang around with the adults if
you sit quietly, mind your manners and promise not
to eat all the cookies. Also, you’re not a Master.

ANAKIN
Why not? I’m a whiny little bastard forced on you by the
Chancellor! I deserve to be a Master!

OBI-WAN
Anakin, I think I speak for everyone everywhere when I
say: shut the hell up. You’re on the freakin’ Council.

YODA
Across the galaxy we all must go. Far away from the situation
I must be. To the Wookies I go. Appease the fanboys, I will.

OBI-WAN
Anakin, I’m going to find General Grievous. But before
I go, I must put you in an awkward position. We
need you to spy on the Chancellor.

ANAKIN
Oh, great. Look, I’m not 007. I don’t like this.

OBI-WAN
Anakin, Palpatine keeps collecting more and more power with
no intention to give it up. Doesn’t this seem suspicious to you?

ANAKIN storms off in a HUFF.

YODA
Trouble this will be.

OBI-WAN
But he’s the Chosen One right?

YODA
Misread the prophecy, maybe we did.

MACE
We probably should have made a hardcopy of
it at some point for reference, huh?

INT. THE FANCIEST SEA WORLD EVER

AUDIENCE
So light moving between water bubbles is what passes for art here?

ANAKIN
I’m sorry to interrupt your Cirque du Soleil show,
Chancellor. But I need to talk to you.

PALPATINE
Everyone leave us alone to plot.

PA’U ZHAAN
Thank the Creator. This show is so boring.

ANAKIN
I’m confused by the Jedi Council.

PALPATINE
Were they using those big words again, Anakin?

ANAKIN
No, they won’t let me play ball.

PALPATINE
Anakin, let me tell you a Sith legend. Not that I know
all that much about the Sith, of course. There was this man
named Darth Plagueus, and while he had one of the stupidest
Sith names ever, he learned how to cheat death.

ANAKIN
Wow, I’m looking for a way to cheat death and save
Padme. This is so relevant to my life! Can I learn this power?

PALPATINE
Maybe. If you forsake all you have known and give
yourself to the Dark Side.

ANAKIN
Hmmm…I’ll have to think about that.

INT. GREEN HOUSE OF LUV

ANAKIN has more VISIONS.

ANAKIN
I can’t concentrate on my Gameboy Advance with all these horrific visions.

PADME
Is something wrong, pumpkin?

ANAKIN
I feel lost.

PADME
Lost?

ANAKIN
Yeah, lost. You know. Unsure of my place in the world?
Confused by the options set before me? Are you okay,
Padme? You’ve been acting strange all movie long.

INT. GIANT HOLE

OBI-WAN stops by to see the SCARY GREY PEOPLE.

SCARY GREY PEOPLE
Despite our appearances, we’re not evil.

OBI-WAN
Have you seen General Grievous?

SCARY GREY PERSON
Yes! He’s on our planet. He keeps drinking our cherry coke
and refusing to buy more! He also enslaved us and stuff.

OBI-WAN gets a 1952 LIZARD.

OBI-WAN
The only way to travel in style.

GRIEVOUS
Has anyone seen my X-rays? I’m getting second opinion
on my lungs tomorrow.

OBI-WAN
Hello, General Grievous. I found you!

GRIEVOUS
I have you surrounded, and could have my droids shoot you down before
you could move. But, no. I will kill you instead. Because apparently I
not only have gravel in my throat, but in my head as well. Luckily,
Count Dooku has trained me in the Jedi arts, so we can have a flashy battle.

OBI-WAN
Then why didn’t you use your “Jedi arts” before? It’s not like
Dooku could have taught you anything between then and now.

They FIGHT. It is divided into TWO SCENES because DIRECTOR GEORGE LUCAS likes to take the DRAMA out of things.

GRIEVOUS
Now, Kenobi, I shall keeeeeeeeeel you.

OBI-WAN rips open GRIEVOUS’S CHEST.

GRIEVOUS
Those are my organs! That’s private!

OBI-WAN
I really do not understand how you work.

OBI-WAN gives GRIEVOUS a bad case of HEARTBURN. I know, I know. But that joke was INEVITABLE.

INT. PALPATINE’S LAIR

PALPATINE
Anakin, I can teach you the Dark Side.

ANAKIN
Holy shit! You’re evil!

PALPATINE
Yes. I’ve been saying so for years.

ANAKIN runs off to MACE.

ANAKIN
Master Windu! Chancellor Palpatine is the Sith Lord!

MACE
Are you sure? I know I mentioned earlier that I felt the
aura of the Dark Side around him, but I’m still incredulous.

ANAKIN
Yes, I’m sure. Let me come with you to arrest him.

MACE
No, for vague reasons. I will arrest him myself. Eventually.

INT. COURASCANT

ANAKIN and PADME have the most romantic scene in the movie. Why? NO TALKING. In fact, their expressions are so emotive, you can almost hear their thoughts…

PADME
*thinking*
Oh, Anakin. I’m so afraid you’re pushing me away
when all I want to do is help you with your internal struggle
between your loyalty to the Council and to Palpatine.

ANAKIN
*thinking*
Hey, I can see my house from here.

EXT. COURASCANT – NIGHT

HOURS LATER, MACE decides it’s time to arrest PALPATINE.

MACE
Time for an old guy smackdown.

PALPATINE
Are you threatening me?

MACE
Yes, moron. Now come with the disposable Jedi and me.

DISPOSABLE JEDI die.

MACE
Yes! I get an extended fight scene! Finally!

MACE would have probably ended things ONCE AND FOR ALL if ANAKIN didn’t show up.

ANAKIN
No, you can’t kill him! He’s going to lead me astray!

PALPATINE
I am the HUMAN CAPACITOR! FEAR ME!

ZAP!

AUDIENCE
So much for 20 years of deterioration.

MACE
You done yet, sucka?

PALPATINE
Oh, no! I’m just a poor old man! He’s going to kill me!

MACE
Anakin, you’re not actually buying this are you?

ANAKIN attacks MACE, giving PALPATINE an opening.

PALPATINE
Ultimate POWER!

MACE
Dude, it’s just lightning. Get over it.
*dies*

PALPATINE
Okay, boy. You’re evil now.

ANAKIN
I guess so.

PALPATINE
You have a problem with that?

ANAKIN
Not really, no. I’m just curious. If I become evil, will I
eventually develop a big forehead canyon like you?

PALPATINE
Not necessarily.

ANAKIN
Okay then.

PALPATINE
You will now be known as Darth Vader – the only Sith
without a stupid name. Now go kill a bunch of people
for me. The Ultimate Power is very tiring.

PALPATINE contacts every CLONE COMMANDER in the galaxy.

PALPATINE
Execute order 66.

AUDIENCE
What were the other 65 orders?

CUE FLASHBACK:

PALPATINE
Execute order 65.

A CLONE goes to get PALPATINE’S DRY CLEANING.

PALPATINE
Excellent.

END FLASHBACK

Thus begins THE DEAD JEDI MONTAGE.

MOST JEDI
We are pathetic.

OBI-WAN
I am not so pathetic.

YODA
Your ass I kick. Mmm, yes.

INT. JEDI TEMPLE

ANAKIN kills CHILDREN. There is no possible way to make this FUNNY.

EXT. JEDI TEMPLE

BAIL
Uh, hi. I couldn’t help but notice one of the city’s most
important buildings was in flames and surrounded by soldiers.

CLONE SOLDIER
It’s nothing. Leave.

A YOUNG PADAWAN survives longer than most of the JEDI in the DEAD JEDI MONTAGE.

BAIL
I’ll be going now.

CLONE SOLDIER
Let him go. It doesn’t matter if everyone finds out we’re
killing the accepted defenders of peace and justice in the universe.

And, IT DOESN’T.

INT. GIANT HOLE

OBI-WAN
Hey, this pit wasn’t bottomless. Good thing for me.

CLONE COMMANDER
Is Kenobi dead?

CLONE SOLDIER
Well, we don’t have his body, but he couldn’t have survived
that fall, even if it is only water at the bottom and he’s a Jedi.

CLONE COMMANDER
Should we at least watch his ship? Naaaah.

EXT. GREEN HOUSE OF LUV

ANAKIN
Padme, I’m back from slaughtering children.

PADME
I didn’t care the last time that happened. What makes you
think I care now?

ANAKIN
I have to go far away now. If Obi-Wan comes by, tell him
I’ve run corner to get milk and will be back in about a month.

INT. BAIL ORGANA’S VERY WHITE SHIP

BAIL
I’m glad we found you Obi-Wan. We don’t think
anyone else has survived.

OBI-WAN
No one?

YODA
None.

OBI-WAN
Out of all the trained Jedi in the galaxy, scattered through the
stars, only Yoda, through sheer awesomeness, and myself,
through considerable luck, have survived?

BAIL
Well, there might be more. The Jedi Temple is sending out
a trap message calling the Jedi back.

OBI-WAN
Well, if it’s a trap, maybe we should stop it.

YODA
Think you we should?

OBI-WAN
DUH!

EXT. LEAST HOSPITABLE PLANET IN THE UNIVERSE

SEPARATISTS
Can we come home now, Palpatine? The constant fire
and darkness is kind of depressing, and our air conditioner
stopped working ten days ago.

PALPATINE
Don’t worry, my new apprentice is coming to take care
of you. Ahahahahahaha!

SEPARATISTS
Well, that didn’t sound ominous at all.

INT. GIANT ASS SENATE

BAIL
Psst, Padme. What’s going on?

PADME
What are you doing here, Bail? You’re not from Naboo.

BAIL
I can’t find my pod.

PALPATINE
I’m evil!

SENATORS
We know! And we don’t care!

INT. JEDI TEMPLE

YODA and OBI-WAN single-handedly defeat every CLONE SOLDIER that had recently murdered a TEMPLE FULL OF JEDI.

OBI-WAN
Master, I must know something.

YODA
A dumb idea it is.

OBI-WAN
No! Anakin is responsible for this!

YODA
Face him you must.

OBI-WAN
I won’t fight Anakin!

YODA
You will, yes.

OBI-WAN
Right, I’m off to kill him.

EXT. GREEN HOUSE OF LUV

OBI-WAN
Padme, Anakin’s evil. You have to tell me where he is.

PADME
No! All those pro-dictatorship statements, the killing of Sand People,
the obsession with keeping me alive: I ignore these things!

OBI-WAN
Anakin’s your baby daddy, isn’t he?

PADME
How could you know?

OBI-WAN
Well, he lusted after you all last movie, you’re mysteriously
pregnant, and your mail comes to the same address as Anakin’s.

PADME
Revealed by the Post Office!

PADME rushes off to ANAKIN, and OBI-WAN apparently hides in the LAV like the HERO he is.

EXT. LEAST HOSPITABLE PLANET EVER

ANAKIN
Woe. I shed my single tear of horror at what I’ve become.
I feel a terrible poem is necessary to express my pain.

PADME arrives before he can begin.

ANAKIN
Oh, darling. I really hope you’re wearing pants with that outfit.

PADME
Anakin, Obi-Wan has been talking smack about you!

ANAKIN
It’s all true, baby. But don’t worry. We can rule the galaxy together.

PADME
No, Anakin. Let me give you a string of clichés! You’re breaking
my heart! You’re going down a path I can’t follow! You’re
counting your chickens before they hatch!

ANAKIN
But, I did this all for you! I guess this means I’ll have to choke you!

PADME
I…still…love…ugh.

OBI-WAN
That was bright.

AUDIENCE
Round one: Bearded Hot Guy vs. Whiny Hot Guy! FIGHT!

INT. PALPATINE’S OFFICE

YODA
My wrath you suffer, bitch!

PALPATINE
*eats scenery*

AUDIENCE
Round two: Old Guy vs. Muppet! FIGHT!

PALPATINE
Behold the full power of the DARK SIDE!

YODA
Lightning it is! That great it is not!

They FIGHT. It is one of the most ENTERTAINING BATTLES in all six movies.

INT. LEAST HOSPITABLE PLANET EVER

ANAKIN and OBI-WAN fight with LIGHTSABERS and the FORCE, at one point producing a JEDI MIME TRICK.

ANAKIN
I’m not touching you!

INT. GIANT ASS SENATE

OLD GUY and MUPPET are still FIGHTING.

DIRECTOR GEORGE LUCAS
How can I make this more dramatic? I know! A rising platform!

PALPATINE
If the full power of the Dark Side won’t stop Yoda, I’ll drop
some pods on him.

This works BETTER.

YODA
Give up I do.

PALPATINE
Hmm, I don’t want to explain all this wanton destruction of
the Senate. I guess I’ll just have to dissolve it.

EXT. LEAST HOSPITABLE PLANET EVER

ANAKIN and OBI-WAN fight in what looks like a JUMPING PUZZLE VIDEO GAME with LAVA.

AUDIENCE
So what is this planet? A foundry? Or do they just
collect molten lava for the hell of it?

OBI-WAN and ANAKIN destroy lots of things.

AUDIENCE
And somewhere, some poor lava collection company loses
a fortune in property damage.

OBI-WAN jumps on a HILL.

OBI-WAN
There. I win.

ANAKIN
You underestimate my ability to jump real high.

No, HE DOES NOT.

ANAKIN becomes PRESIDENT of the SEVERED LIMBS OF STAR WARS CLUB. Then, he catches on FIRE, and it is worse than ¾ of the things seen in SIN CITY.

AUDIENCE
Holy God. What is this movie rated?

OBI-WAN
I’ll just be going now.

AUDIENCE
CUT HIS HEAD OFF, ASSHOLE!

OBI-WAN
I said I didn’t want to kill him.

OBI-WAN actually leaves. Takes PADME and leaves.

PALPATINE finds ANAKIN through his PATENTED FORCE RADAR SYSTEM.

PALPATINE
Yes, the waves of rage are getting closer together.
He’s down there.

INT. HOSPITAL

MEDICAL DROID
Padme is about to deliver twins.

OBI-WAN
Twins? How did no one know that at all?

PADME
Oooowwwwww!

MEDICAL DROID
Here are your children. They have superior acting genes, but
the female is a bagelhair gene carrier.

PADME
I will call them Luke and Leia. They are so beautiful.
Too bad I can’t be bothered to live for them.

MEDICAL DROID
I’m afraid she’s dying. It appears she has an acute case
of Stupidity. We were surprised, considering she was once
the competent Queen of Naboo. But it appears as of the second
movie, this started to develop. And now, she’s dead from The Stupid.

AUDIENCE
And Leia obviously has a faulty memory.

MEANWHILE:

INT. DARK HOSPITAL OF EVIL

ANAKIN’S REMAINS are brought for TREATMENT.

MEDICAL DROID
Let’s just leave him exposed to the rain. I’m sure that’s fine.

MEDICAL DROIDS assemble the DARTH VADER jigsaw puzzle. It’s kinda GROSS. And yet, VERY COOL.

AUDIENCE
Ouch. How does that not chafe? Or debride?
And, yay for James Earl Jones!

DARTH VADER
Where is my wife? What happened to Padme?

PALPATINE
Umm, son. Oh, this is harder to say than I thought it would be.
You killed her. Killed her dead. She’s among the angels now.

DARTH VADER starts to explode things with his ANGER. The DRAMA looks good.

But, LO, the STUPID is never far behind.

DARTH VADER breaks free from the operating table.

PALPATINE
It’s ALIVE!

CUE: THE STUPID

INT. VERY WHITE ROOM

YODA
Split up the twins must be.

BAIL
I’ll take the girl!

AUDIENCE
Wow, jumped on that real fast.

OBI-WAN
I’ll take the boy to Tatooine and his family. Though, if
someone went looking, that’s the first place they’d go.

YODA
Before go you, teach you the blue ghost trick I will. Your
former master you will see. And continuity there will be.

BAIL
And someone wipe C3-PO’s memory. He’ll definitely talk.

R2-D2
Weeeep-woooo. Booooop-wwweewoo bop-wee.
(I know everything! Puts the Classics in a new light, doesn’t it?)

EXT. PADME’S FUNERAL

AUDIENCE
“Out upon the wharfs they came,
Knight and burgher, lord and dame
And round the prow they read her name
The Lady of Shallot”

EXT. SPACE

A FAMILIAR SHAPE is being formed at a giant CONSTRUCTION SITE.

PALPATINE
What should we call it?

DARTH VADER
Something stupid.

AUDIENCE
You are not trying to tell me it took them 20 years to
build the first Death Star, are you? And then the learning
process let them streamline it down to 3 years, huh?
Just leave me alone for another 20 years, George. Please.

BUT, DIRECTOR GEORGE LUCAS redeems himself with TWO VERY NICE SCENES about the TWINS.

AUDIENCE
And thus it was that all was well with the world.