This Is Not My Life

No. Really. It's not.

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Hee! Very nice!

Not really any worse than Voldie's other plans. ;D

Honestly, considering the amount of work and thought he must have put into this, it probably got a lot more attention than some of his previous plans.

I'm glad you liked it!

Oh, man. That was really hilarious. And, wow, nostalgia. That stupid Mousetrap game would never freaking work the way you wanted it to when you wanted it to work, but then someone would jostle the board or something and the "net" would fall anyway. I also like that there's a street called "Eadwacer the Handy."

To sum up: HA.

I loved Mousetrap. I don't think I actually ever played the game, though. I think I just set it up and tried to get it to go off right. And of course it never would.

Eadwacer the Handy needs a street named after him. For posterity, of course.

Ha! Brilliant! Worthy of Rube Goldman himself!

Best part? Dolohov's "We do lots of useless things with magic." SO TRUE.

Also loved Eadwacer the Handy Street.

Wizards need to prioritize better. There are just so many problems that could be solved with magic that they haven't gotten to yet because they're too busy mucking about with the stupid things.

Eadwacer deserves his own street. He was such a handy guy to know.

I love anything that makes Lucius squeal like a little girl. ;) Well done, as always!

Thank you! Lucius (at least the one in this story) probably has to get Narcissa to kill mice in the kitchen.

Wonderful! Mouse trap is such a useless game. And Voldemort's managed to make it even more useless.

I loved to just set up the Mousetrap. I don't think I actually knew how to play it.

And I've just realized that this is the second story I've written centering around a board game.

You've done it. Again. This is brilliant.

(“Add one part thorn apple to two parts…AAAAHHHH…rugula. Now grind thoroughly with your mortar and pestle.”)

That was by far my favorite line. I'm still cracking up.


Even when in dire pain, Snape's execution is flawless. I wish I had that man's self control.

Just loved it. :D

Though I'm starting to feel like the only person alive who doesn't get "Eadwacer the Handy".

There wasn't anything to "get" really. I made it up entirely.

But where are Ron and Hermione?

If Harry is in Hogsmeader, where are his extra limbs? They actually let him out of their sight?

Are they making out somewhere?


Re: But where are Ron and Hermione?

Harry needed some "alone" time away from the bickering couple/non-couple (depending on your POV).

*scuttles in nervously*

Hi there. I was a fan of you and your work on FF.Net, Miss Evadne, and I'd enjoy reading some more, so...

would it bother you greatly if I added you? ^^;

I don't mind if you friend me. I'm glad you followed me over from!

Awesomeness, honestly. ^^ I always loved reading your stories, and now that I have an LJ account I can review as well.

This was very funny, and I really enjoyed it. I've been sick and it made me feel a bit better.

It was especially poignant because in my Science class we had to do a mini-project on Rube Goldberg contraptions.

Thank you for sharing this marvelous work! ^^ I hope to read more from you in the future!

Oh, you could review without an LJ, I don't turn off anonymous comments.

I'm glad I could make you feel better. Rube Goldberg devices are the greatest things ever.

Ah, lovely

I didn't even realise that this was a reference to Mouse Trap until I finished reading...doh, doh, doh.

Who doesn't love complexity?

Well, it's not really until the plan utterly fails that you should realize it's about Mousetrap. After all, when has anyone ever sucessfully gotten that game to work on the first try?

Complexity is fun. Though not very efficient.

I got Mousetrap after ages of begging for it, and the day I got it and opened it up my brother broke a vital part. RAR.

Hilarious fic, though. It made me make weird snorting noises.

Glad you liked the story.

Mousetrap wasn't that great anyway. It never worked right, and the actual game part was boring.

(I'm just trying to cheer you up here.)

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Everyone love Lucius. I guess we all just like making fun of dumb blonds? I don't even know how I got this stereotype out of the real Lucius.

HAHAHA! Ah, that is so funny. I had to tell my dad about it because I was laughing so much, and then I told my mom about it too because I burst into laughter in the middle of dinner(luckily I wasn't eating anything at the moment). Eadwacer the Handy sounds exactly like something wizards would name a street. I never even knew there was a game called Mousetrap though.

Mousetrap was a great game in theory, but it never worked. You built a Rube Goldberg device to catch plastic mice.

I'm glad you thought it was so funny! I hope your parents don't think you or I are weird or anything.

“I will not squeal,” said Lucius to himself. “I will not squeal. I will not…AAAAHHHH!” And off he went.

Oh my, I couldn't stop laughing when I read this!!!! *bows* You are my idol.. ^_^ *reads it again*

Glad you liked it. Lucius can't stop squealing even when he knows what's coming.

And Rube Goldberg is. . . who? Is this something I should know?

My parents already knew I was weird. I am a naturally weird person.

Goldberg was a guy who made really complex machines to do simple tasks. His name is way of saying something is overly complex.

I think weird only can be natural. It is not a learned state.

Wow, Voldemort must be the only wizard ever with some mechanical genius! I mean, he knows about gutters and everything! I'll bet Arthur Weasley would have loved to see this mousetrap (Harrytrap? Rattrap?).
Although, I do wonder at the Dark Lord for resorting to Muggle methods in this scheme ...

-Jerry Protter

Well, Voldemort lived among Muggles, remember, and he also knows that wizards never consider Muggle methods when making plans and thwarting evil. Therefore, he's pretty smart to use mechanical methods. But he's not a genius, obviously. Otherwise, he would have actually caught Harry.

So true. So, so true. You still got it. Voldemort is the Dark Lord of screwing up his own plans. Or maybe that's Peter.

I think in this case, Peter played his part as well as he could, and Voldemort screwed himself over. But that's what you get when you make things more complicated than necessary.

I just love all your stories and random comments. Once again, I've been reduced to tears of laughter. Where do you get all these funny ideas? :)

Thank you! I usually write these stories after coming up with the title, and then a couple of related dialogue jokes. Then I write the stories around them. As for where the titles and dialogue comes from, well, that's just my fevered imagination.

And this is why I should start reading my friends page again. If I had, I would have discovered this ages ago. I was looking in your "memories" section for the BBEs, and noticed that there were five entries in the OUaFT category.

Favorite Part: “…And Potter, being the adolescent hero that he is, will rush around the corner to see what’s wrong. And when he does that…”

“We hex the heck out of him?” asked Bellatrix.

“No!” said Voldemort. “There’s more!”

Actually, I loved the entire plan, but I'm trying not post every part I like. You know, like I usually to do.

Incidentally, I was re-watching PoA. I did it again. I just couldn't help it.

I quoted the BBE.

I always do that. It annoys me because I can't take the movie seriously. I did it with the other two movies as well.

I am so glad you don't do video games. I already have enough trouble taking Seymour from Final Fantasy X seriously without you helping me.

Incidentally (that's my favorite word, for some reason), the reason I can't take him seriously is because of another parody. "Lady Yuna, it would be a great honor if you took my hand in marriage, and we could crush Spira, like a grape. Did I say crush? I meant to say unite in peace, and harmony, and bloodshed. Did I say bloodshed?"

*goes off to read your BBEs* Oh! Hey! Cool! I can read the Star Wars ones! Never been able to before, as I've only recently become a fan. Still need to see Revenge of the Sith, though.

Aha, glad you liked Voldemort's incredibly well thought out plan. He needs the excuse to flex his brain muscle.

Aw, things are so much more fun when you're laughing at them. Enjoy your inability to take video games seriously!

absolutely loved this one, lol

I have a new name, I'm going to friend you under it. it's _ozdust

just thought I would tell you :)

Glad you liked. Would you like me to friend you back under your new name?

hahaha, simply super, i imagine that lucius WOULD scream like a girl...fu fu fu

Well, in my universe he does. Poor, put upon Lucius. He always gets the ditzy part.

Yay! I was hoping you were still writing these! I loved this new one, but my all-time favorite is probably either the bake sale or the one in which Voldemort and Harry play Risk.

I don't think I've laughed harder at these during those two, especially at the part where Narcissa drops off Lucius.

There are just so many little wonderful things about them, like Snape's portrayal, 'the Quiet Game', Lucius's effeminate qualities, and your wonderful comedic timing.

I hope HBP provides you with TONS of new material!

Keep 'em coming!

Thank you! I'm glad you like these vignettes. The Risk one is probably my very favorite.

I'm very concerned about HBP because I've been thinking about Voldemort as this comedy figure for about two years now. What on earth am I going to do when I read him as a serious villain?

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